I miss home.

Last night was a rough night for me. I couldn’t help but miss home. I have tried so hard along this journey to be honest with there I am at, but I have been trying to avoid and run away from this feeling. I don’t know what it is about admitting that I miss home that is so hard for me. Maybe because I feel like I am taking away from what the Lord is doing here, or maybe it’s that I am trying so hard to just be in every moment here that if I admit that I have this ache in my Soul I feel like I wasted a day. I think there are probably a lot of reasons why I have been avoiding facing this feeling.

I can’t avoid it anymore.

Honestly, I miss my community so much. I get that it will take time to build here- but right now I just miss being able to go get ice cream with someone. I miss sitting at Ava and breathing life into one another. I miss sitting in cars and challenging one another. I miss my small group and the way everyone was so incredibly vulnerable every week. I miss the comforting hugs of Our House. I miss standing at the door and greeting each new person as they walked into House Church. I miss the 2s. I miss my accountability and the way they/she draws me closer to the Lord. I miss Peets, and Bridgeport. I miss my family- I miss my MiMi’s cooking, my Dad’s words of encouragement, the way my Mom just gets it without me saying a word, I miss that my Brother always knows what movie I will like best- and will watch it even if he doesn’t like it, and I miss My sister being next to me calming me. I just do and I cannot help it.

I choose to surrender every ounce of who I am to the Lord and I know confidently I am supposed to be here. I know He has drawn me out into this place of complete dependance on Him. I know He has called me out to lead these kids, and maybe help lead this community.

Yet, I am having a hard time shaking missing home. Missing you.

 

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9 comments

  1. Tricia · · Reply

    We miss you too!!! Hugs!

    1. :) Can’t wait to hug you in 1 week!

  2. my love, it is completely, 100% okay to admit you miss home. recognizing that ache is admitting to what the Lord has already done once in your life – here in Portland – and what He promises to do again, in Florida. give yourself the grace to walk through that emotion and lean into Jesus – let Him be your strength and He will, in time, heal your heart. i love you dearly, britt. miss you too. xo.

    1. Grace- I need that. Thank you for encouraging me so much!

  3. We miss you. The beautiful thing about missing home is just that, you know “home.” You know what that feeling is to be known and loved and cherished. That will never change. You are just adding to the people who get to be blessed by your awesomeness and you get to help them feel at “home” where they are.
    Love you… :)Anna

    1. Goodness you are so right. I love you so much!

  4. sending you a huge “e-hug”. can you feel it??

  5. I can definitely relate, doll. When I moved to Portland last August to start doctor school, the thing that was the hardest for me to leave behind was my community… my precious church family. And here I am, almost a year later, still trying to build that in Portland. What you said about always having some to do something with… get ice cream, go for coffee, or just sit and chat… totally resonates with me. I miss that. The weekends can be pretty tough to face sometimes, knowing that I’d be spending a lot more of it alone than I used to. Through many tears and much prayer, it has become a little better, but I still crave for more.

    And I also get feeling the guilt when I feel sad about it. I have been blessed by the Lord to follow this amazing calling He has given me… shouldn’t I constantly be rejoicing? But it’s hard work. Exciting, but daunting. Inspiring, but also lonely. I’m certain that I’m where He wants me, and sometimes that’s enough to hold onto through the loneliness.

    Just want you to know you’re not the only one who feels this way. I think what you’re doing is so brave… so fearless and inspiring. What a beautiful example you are to the women around you! Thank you for your vulnerability.

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