Last night was a rough night for me. I couldn’t help but miss home. I have tried so hard along this journey to be honest with there I am at, but I have been trying to avoid and run away from this feeling. I don’t know what it is about admitting that I miss home that is so hard for me. Maybe because I feel like I am taking away from what the Lord is doing here, or maybe it’s that I am trying so hard to just be in every moment here that if I admit that I have this ache in my Soul I feel like I wasted a day. I think there are probably a lot of reasons why I have been avoiding facing this feeling.
I can’t avoid it anymore.
Honestly, I miss my community so much. I get that it will take time to build here- but right now I just miss being able to go get ice cream with someone. I miss sitting at Ava and breathing life into one another. I miss sitting in cars and challenging one another. I miss my small group and the way everyone was so incredibly vulnerable every week. I miss the comforting hugs of Our House. I miss standing at the door and greeting each new person as they walked into House Church. I miss the 2s. I miss my accountability and the way they/she draws me closer to the Lord. I miss Peets, and Bridgeport. I miss my family- I miss my MiMi’s cooking, my Dad’s words of encouragement, the way my Mom just gets it without me saying a word, I miss that my Brother always knows what movie I will like best- and will watch it even if he doesn’t like it, and I miss My sister being next to me calming me. I just do and I cannot help it.
I choose to surrender every ounce of who I am to the Lord and I know confidently I am supposed to be here. I know He has drawn me out into this place of complete dependance on Him. I know He has called me out to lead these kids, and maybe help lead this community.
Yet, I am having a hard time shaking missing home. Missing you.